Slice of moroccan pie
2 packets of monster munch (actual addiction)
A WHOLE tub of Ben and Jerrys
Weight Watchers beef meal and red cabbage and mixed frozen veg
Carrot sticks, WW crisps and homous
Exercise - NONE!!! Poor effort
Today I have:
- Procrastinated starting the inevitable CMR project that looms ever closer and threatens to ruin my degree!
- Driven my friend Kat to work and had a look round New Look and bought the dreaded Ben and Jerrys
- Put down a deposit on Kat and I's Slug and Lettuce Christmas meal and bought the most beautiful shoes. I've been hunting for them for weeks in an 8 because the New Look by my work only had 1 size 8 shoe which is no use as I'm not Heather Mills!
- Been to First School to read to the little year 2's I read with every week. I'm a volunteer because I think it's really important to give back to the community where I live that basically copes with a massive influx of students every year who don't seem to really consider them
- Fed my goldfish :) Although the big fat gold one is floating at the top and opening and shutting his mouth like his hungry. He makes me feel so guilty but Mum says he'll die if I overfeed him.
- Continued to try and sort through my laundry mountain which is now all washed and in various stages of drying and putting away.
Highlight: Buying the most gorge shoes ever. They are Victoria Beckham shoes in that the heel is ridiculously high and slim. I am over 6 foot in them!! Not good for guys but who cares, I'm not exactly boy friendly at the moment
Lowlight: Desperately missing Olly even though it's been ages. I just want to go backwards in time but I can't and even if I could it wouldn't be right because I'd know what I now know. The things he said behind my back to the lads thinking they all thought he was cool when in reality they thought he was a dick and told Laura who then told me. I finally washed the hoody that smelt like him in this laundry load so I would stop sleeping with it and running in it like a saddo. We used to listen to Katy Perry together and even listening now is like a cheese grater inside me, I love her still but gahh!!! I emailed the guy from his course who told Laura he'd said harsh shit and was like ermm.....please tell me what he said. I know it's a bit crazy but I just want to cement it all in my mind. And I'm a glutton for punishment.
News story of the day: http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/2009/nov/25/jane-andrews-press-abuse
Ok I understand as somebody with a mental health problem, and the same one as Jane Andrews, I should be rallying round her in some weird fucked up mental health sisterhood but quite frankly this story just makes me mad. I understand that the author is trying to humanise her and explain she isn't some cold hearted killer but it is just another article that tells the general public that anyone with a mental health problem is a psycho and will maybe attack/kill you. Scitzos that push people under trains and stab women and now a BPD sufferer who stabbed her boyfriend to death. What about those of us who are actually fully functioning members of society?
I'm not saying I can't relate to some aspects of this story. Domestic abuse, controlling boyfriends, that 'I hate you please don't leave me' dilemma that plays out as a recurring theme through every break up but I would NEVER stab somebody. I've never been violent in the heat of an emotional moment and boy has there been some. It may be because I'm an inny with my BPD (I take it out on myself and blame myself mainly) but I wouldn't stab somebody and I'm generally pretty concious of looking like a crazy. I mean I still look like one but I know I do.
Whatever level of BPD Jane Andrews had at the end of the day she killed an innocent man whose family can never have him back, never see him reach his birthdays and will have a space at their table this Christmas? And for somebody to slander his reputation when he can't defend himself in the name of championing a mentally ill woman, at the expense of other mentally ill people by perpetuating stereotypes, is quite frankly pants.
